So I'm driving around with my good friend Cari, chatting about babystuff, and she asks me if I'm using any sort of cream for stretch marks.
Nope! (Maybe I'm too lazy?)
So she recommends that I use cocoa butter (or something, I can't remember), because that's what her mom used every time she was pregnant, and she never got stretch marks.
Now science must intervene!
How did her mom know it was the cream and not, say, genetics, if she never had a pregnancy with no cocoa butter to compare it to? How does anyone know if a product is effective if you don't have a control? So, perhaps I should use some sort of lotion for this pregnancy and not the next one, you say?
But what's the fun in using the cream for this pregnancy and having to wait until the next one? What if something else is different (like the elasticity of my skin) just because it's later in my life? We must control for as many variables as possible!
SO--I'm putting cocoa butter lotion just on the right side of my belly and nothing on the left. Hurrah for science!
I know that I already get stretch marks, as evidenced by my hips and thighs through various points in my life. And I've also heard that no cream or lotion will do the trick, that if you have stretch marks in your genes you'll get them no matter what. So I guess we'll just have to see!
I did a similar experiment when I was in college to see if I preferred shaved or unshaven legs. Because seriously, most of our society's rules are stupid made-up nonsense anyway, so is there a reason to shave besides "everyone doing it" (a rationale that works so well for jumping off of bridges and doing drugs)?
Left leg: shaved. Right leg: unshaven. I went 6 months without shaving my right leg, so I could experience several seasons and really be able to compare the two. I had one smooth leg and one hairy yeti leg! Yes, I got weird looks walking down the street--a sacrifice that scientists sometimes just have to make.
And do you know what? I like shaved better! My leg hairs got all caught in my socks and rubbed funny and I did not like it. Also I like the smoothness of newly shaved skin; it's just nice. Finally, one of the things I like about men (in general and one in particular) is how different they are from women--and men are generally hairier than women. I like my man with a beard. And not coincidentally, I like my man with hairy legs compared to my shaved legs.
Because come on people, without science we're all just wandering around, making unfounded observations and sticking leeches on people to cure their pneumonia or whatever!
I am a nerd, I realize this. I'm going to give birth to a Nerd Baby. Isn't it wonderful?!?!
